So...in addition to the fact that the news only reports negative stuff, and also in addition to the fact that on the important stuff, the news is always a day or two behind the newspaper, this is why I don't watch the news:

Last night, Mrs. Mau had a meeting, so I recorded 24. We watched it together after she got home. I had started the VCR (Yes, I still have a VCR) a little before 9, so it recorded some of the 10:00 news. One of the first stories talked about a shooting that happened at Stonecrest Mall, a few miles East of our home. I don't remember her exact words, and I don't feel like looking back at the tape, but the newslady said something to the effect of "Witnesses, who were here on the patio eating 25-cent shrimp, say blah blah blah..." I don't even know what the witnesses said, because we looked at each other and were like "What the hell do the 25-cent shrimp have to do with anything??" and why did she have to enunciate each syllable? Not "Twenny-Fi cent shrimp", but "Ta-wen-tee Five-a Cen-t Sha-rim-P".

...and THAT'S why I don't watch the news.

Know What I'm Sayin'??