One year ago today, my wife (then fiancee) and I were cooking dinner when, unexpectedly, the doorbell rang.

I was slightly irritated, because I really hate delays in my dinner experience.

"Who is it?" "Trick or Treat!"

My eyes go wide. I forgot it was Halloween! I open the door, and there are 3 or 4 kids standing there, costumes and all. I honestly don't have much one-on-one experience with children, so imagine the resentment I felt when I had to apologize to a bunch of kids! I PROMISED the kids that I would have candy for them next year, which now is this year. I then promptly turned off the porch light.

So, here I sit. The porch light burns brightly and invitingly. The doorbell remains silent. Mocking me. I've got a $7 bag of assorted Jolly Ranchers, and NO KIDS.

Tomorrow, I'm taking this damn bag of candy right back to Publix and getting my 7 bucks back. I might even take it back tonight.

Damn Kids. Their damn parents, too.

Know What I'm Sayin'??