Good Morning Family! Do y'all remember that song "The Morning Papers" on Prince's first "symbol" album? I really like that song for some reason.

There is SO MUCH going on today. I've been aching to post something to share with you for a few days now, but nothing has quite touched my fancy. Until this morning.

And what has inspired me on this fine, beautiful Atlanta day to write? The news, of all things.

Honestly, I don't read the newspaper, or, perish the thought, watch the evening news very often. It's just not a positive experience. Everything they talk about on the evening news is negative. The names change, but the stories stay the same!

The newspaper, on the other hand - just chock full of interesting stuff (at least today it is).

A few juicy tidbits from the front page of The Atlanta Journal Constitution's website:

• At the age of 43, Evander "Real Deal" Holyfield is returning to boxing.
• A 12 year-old boy dies on the Rock 'n' coaster at the Disney-MGM theme park - for no apparent reason. No head trauma. No seizure. Nothing so far.
• NASA's Space Shuttle Discovery is set to launch tomorrow at 3:49pm EST. Despite knowing that there's a 60% chance that they'll cancel due to weather.

In more local news:

• A federal judge on Thursday stayed a controversial new sex offender law here in Georgia. The previous law mandated that sex offenders could not live within 1000 feet of anywhere children gathered, like schools and parks. The new law added school bus stops to the mix. Since school bus stops are in effectively EVERY residential neighborhood, this law essentially would have either evicted all sex offenders from the state, or painted them into a corner in a bunk bed in some rat-infested industrial park. (A little literary license). I'm, of course, no fan of sex offenders, but this really is an asinine law. Not to mention that the sex offender category includes the 18 year-old that gets reported for having sex with the 15 year-old, or the sick puppy that has a fetish for geriatrics.

And finally, in Hip Hop news (because hip hop is taking over our lives):

• Rapper Lil' Kim will be released from prison on Monday after serving 10 months of a 12 month sentence. She still will have a 30-day house arrest period to complete.

WOW. So much.

In more personal news:

• My wife is looking SHARP today! She's got her white pants on, with a tailored black shirt. And red high heels! She really cuts a striking figure. I am a lucky man!
  
• Today's weather forecast is looking positively lovely. Currently 76 degrees, with a high expected of 93. Not a cloud in sight.
• I've been working this side gig the last 6 months or so, in order to get my family's necks from underneath the collective heel of corporate america. We had what may turn out to be an exciting breakthrough last night. Perhaps more details later. Hit me in the comments if you want to know more
  

What else? Um...

• My mom has tendonitis, and has to wear one of those god-awful boots for two months.
• My brother's getting married in October.
  
• Congrats to Marce on a successful cleanse and a new nephew!
• Get well Eren.
  
• Did I mention how good my wife was lookin' this morning?
  

Whew!

Have a great weekend, family. I don't talk to you guys nearly as often as I should, but please know that you are in my thoughts. For some reason I've got great vibrations today, and I wish you the same. Be safe out there this weekend.

Know What I'm Sayin'??

Remember? Back in the day when we were young. Sherbet was the "ice cream alternative". Distinctly fruity, yet just as refreshing. I haven't had any sherbet in a LONG time.

Well, when TW (The Wife) and I were opening wedding gifts, I realized that that was about to change; Or so I thought. Thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Tony J. for purchasing us the Cuisinart ICE-20, the combination Ice Cream/Frozen Yogurt/Sorbet Maker.

The gloves came off last night. It was time to christen the ICE-20. I'd compiled my ingredients, frozen the thing that needed to be frozen, and researched my recipe. I decided to go off the beaten path, and NOT go with one of the pre-printed recipes. One day a couple of years ago, I happened upon a Brewster's Ice Cream, and saw something I've never seen before: Honeydew Sorbet. It was...divine.

So ANYWAY...lets table the Honeydew and talk about sherbert. Last night I was on the phone telling someone that I made some Honeydew Sherbert. TW corrected me - "sorbet". I shrugged. They're the same thing, right? Fruity. Not quite as smooth as Ice Cream, but quite delightful all the same. Wrong.

From drgourmet.com: The difference between sorbet and sherbet is that sherbets contain milk or another fat, making it similar to ice cream. Generally thought of as being fruit based, sorbets can be made with any ingredient.

So, I made sorbet. Not sherbert.

But what ever happened to sherbet? I don't recall seeing any on my local grocer's ice cream aisle in a while. Has sherbet fallen out of fashion?

I know what it is. I've outgrown sherbet. They don't serve dollops of sherbet in nice restaurants along thin slices of contrasting, but complimentary fruit. That's sorbet. They don't serve little tastes of lemon sherbet as a 4th course palette cleanser before the dessert. That's sorbet. They, they...well, Cuisinart doesn't make machines to let you make sherbet at home. Sigh. That's sorbet. So nose-in-the-air better-than-you holier-than-thou snooty-wooty.

I guess that about clinches it. I pay taxes. I'm married. I'm a homeowner. I can drink alcohol. I eat sorbet. I'm a grownup.

Know what I'm sayin'??

p.s. This sorbet vs. sherbet thing has wrinkle. People can't can't to decide which is the correct spelling: sherbet or sherbert. Blogger doesn't help, because it can't spell either one. It can't spell dollop either.

sigh.

Okay, so the MC got a bit tense. I made it 9 days, being pretty stringent about sticking to the process. At the end (yesterday) I only stopped because I realized that I had a busy day coming up, and that I wouldn't really be able to make lemonade and uh, "reap the benefits" of drinking laxative tea and salt water flushes.

At any rate, I don't have any solid numbers on my results because I didn't weigh myself at the beginning. I do know that I was at 193 on Day 4, and today, on Day 10, after eating a little bit, I was at 183. I also know that I have been as heavy as 202 lbs or so. So assuming that I lost at least a few pounds those first few days, that tells me that I lost about 15 lbs in 9 days. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Know what I'm sayin'??

I really like Colson Whitehead's work. He has a knack for giving you a huge amount of backgroun d information about the subject matter in addition to the actual plot of the book.

For example, his first book was The Intuitionist. I read that one a few years ago. I learned more about elevators and elevator history and theory than I really cared to know. His second novel was John Henry Days. In addition to the legend of John Henry, I learned a bit about philately (the study of postage stamps). In this, third solo novel, I learned about the life and times of - a nomenclature consultant. Nomenclature consultants come up with the names of stuff. Anything. Cars, pharmaceuticals, companies. He talks about the pure genius of the "Band Aid", and about how any the best any competitor could ever hope for was second in line behind the popular Johnson & Johnson favorite. That, in fact, is the main character's claim to fame. He catapulted a sub-standard competitor squarely into second place when he came up with "Apex" as the new name of a bandage. The resulting tagline was "Apex hides the hurt."

At any rate, that's just background noise. The crux of the story hinges around the city of Winthrop. I'm honestly not even sure if they mention what state Winthrop sits in. Anyway, Winthrop needs a new name. There are three competing factions with three different names that they want the city to adopt. There are also but three members of the city council. The result is a stalemate. Our intrepid nomenclaturist is called in to break the tie, or come up with something new. He begrudingly accepts the challenge. The result is a meloncholy ride through the history of the city, and somewhat of a history of the nomenclaturist himself. (I don't think we ever actually learn his name, which is odd in a book about naming things.)

Everything I've shared so far is pretty safe if you plan on reading the book, so no worries about me spoiling it for you. Let's just say that the name he decides on at the end is perhaps not so important. It's the journey that counts.

Maybe that's a parable of sorts. Quit focusing on the end result of the trip, and have a good time getting there. Stop and see the sights. Smell the roses. Sample the local food.

I'm getting off track. I give the book a solid B--, which translates to "I've read better, but I still enjoyed the experience."

Know what I'm sayin'??

...comics.

You know, the beauty of having YOUR OWN blog is that you can post about whatever strikes your fancy.

I just got through reading today's comics, and there were some doozies. I share them, with you:


























































I'm especially proud that Opus includes the exact same picture of Lee F. Raymond that I used.

Know What I'm Sayin'??

The biggest problem with not eating:

• Hunger? No.
• Nutrients and such? Not yet, at least.
• Protien intake? Yet to be seen, but don't think so.
• Fat intake? Sure there are both good, and bad types of fat, but my body has plenty of fat to be burned, so not an issue for such a short term.
• None of this stuff.

The biggest problem with not eating is not eating.

I like eating.
I like flavors.
I like textures.
I like appetizers and salads and desserts.
I like seafood - all types. Fish and shellfish. From salmon to whiting, and from shrimp to lobster.
I like steak. Lamb. Chicken. (I've developed this weird thing for chicken fingers the last year or two. it's weird.)
I like cooking. Experimenting. Herbs and spices. Chopping and crushing and dicing.
I like pasta.
I eat vegetarian dishes sometimes.
I like Indian food.
I like Chinese food.
I like Thai.
I like crunchy beef tacos. 3 or 4 at a time.
I LIKE FRUIT. pears. mangos. apples. red grapes. pineapple.
avocodos.
onions.
eggplant.
cashews.
swedish fish.
grits.
beef bacon.
juice. milk. Coke. beer and wine. tea. Grand Marnier and Maker's Mark.
I like casseroles.
I like souffles.
I like cakes and cookies.
Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies.
York Peppermint Patties.
Blue Bell.
The Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich.
garlic.
olive oil.
butter.

breakfast. lunch. dinner. snacks. EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN.

I like the sensation of being full.
I like the sensation of being full, and then belching.

I'm not hungry, but I sure do want to eat something. ANYTHING. I want to chew. Masticate. Gnaw. Manducate. Nibble. Munch. Graze. Rend.



Know What I'm Sayin'??

I think maybe my stomach was simply protesting to the salt water.

At any rate, maybe I'll post some pictures of the process. Apparently your tongue is a great barometer for the process. Apparently some sort of whitish film develops, and then it slowly clears up. When it's totally clear, YOU HAVE BEEN CLEANSED.

I think I'll at least take daily pictures of my tongue, and then share them with you, my readers, at the end.

A side effect of the Master Cleanse is that since you're not eating any fat, your body apparently burns what you are carrying around with you, so although I'll probably lose some weight, I'll spare you the before and after shots. Maybe.

Stay cool, folkz.

Know What I'm Sayin'??

Okay, so for the last handful of months I've had this need to do some sort of...self-cleanse. I hadn't really done much about it, and it was just a passing thought. That being said, I was intruiged when Marcy announced that she was doing the Master Cleanse. The Master Cleanse is a 10ish day liquid fast/diet, sometimes referred to as the Lemonade Diet. For the whole 10ish days, you eat no food. You do a salt water first thing each morning, special lemonade during the day, and perhaps a laxative tea in the evening, and in the mornings too if the salt water doesn't do it for you. The lemonade provides your sustenance.

I started yesterday. My first day didn't go quite as planned, though. You're supposed to start with a cup of the tea the night before, but I'm a night owl so I didn't have my tea until like 2:00am. Then I had an appointment at 10:30am, so I didn't do the salt water wash until after I got back home (a good decision, it turns out). I did have lemonade on the way to my appointment, because I was hungry.

First Day Observations:

• The tea didn't do much for me.
• I'm VERY glad I didn't do the salt water wash before my appointment.
• When I DID do the salt water wash, it kicked in within 2 hours. Probably a lot less, but I was doing a couple of things. KICKED.
• The Lemonade - interesting. The secret ingredients are: Grade B maple syrup instead of of sugar, and a tad of cayenne pepper. The syrup is actually packed with vitamins and minerals, and the pepper is supposed to help your body release mucus.
• I was pleasantly surprised by the lemonade. You're supposed to drink it when you get hungry. After I drank it, I wasn't hungry anymore. I'm not sure if it satisfied my hunger, or if the cayenne just took my mind off of it. It's not nearly as bad as you might think though. If you can handle a stiff alcoholic drink then you can easily handle this.

Day Two (Part 1):

• Took the salt water bath at 8:30, maybe 3o minutes ago. I gotta go now.
  

You know what I'm sayin'.